Releasing Keanu by Davis Siobhan

Author:Davis, Siobhan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-12-29T16:00:00+00:00

20

Selena

I wake up the next morning before Keanu, and I stare at his face for a long time while my mind churns with all he revealed last night.

I’m not an idiot.

Keanu is hot, sweet, sexy, and, most of all, a guy. A guy who has been deprived of sex and intimacy during his horny teenage years. I knew when I cut him loose that this would happen.

Releasing Keanu was not just for me.

It was for him too.

I was holding him back in a lot of ways but especially when it came to sex. I knew, deep down, that letting him go meant he would experience other girls. Experience sex without me. And I thought I’d made my peace with that.

But I haven’t.

And I can’t blame him. I don’t. Like I told him repeatedly last night, he hasn’t done anything wrong. I should be grateful all his hookups were casual and meaningless.

But I’m not.

For one, I’m jealous. The thought of other women with their hands on him makes me green with envy. And all night, as thoughts of him having sex with other girls taunted me, I’ve been red with rage. Chastising myself for not being strong enough, brave enough, to have sex with him, at least one fucking time, before I let him go. Because those other women have experienced a side of him I don’t know, and I hate that they shared that with him when I haven’t.

But there’s another part of me that’s sad that all his experiences were meaningless. Because I didn’t want that for him either.

Ugh. I scrub at my forehead, wishing I could yank all these thoughts out and make sense of them. I’m confusing myself, upsetting myself, when I’m the one who set this in motion. I’m conflicted and emotional, and today is the worst day to be dealing with this shit.

I stare at him again, watching his chest rising and falling, as he sleeps. I want to grab hold of him and keep him close. To lose myself in him. To experience what those women experienced. To show him I’m better than all of them. That I can pleasure him far better than they can. That I know everything there is to know about how to turn a man on because I was trained from age ten to please men.

And I need that affirmation to know I’m good enough for him.

My inner voice whispers my mind is warped for thinking these things, but I banish that voice, shutting off logic and acting on instinct.

Because I’m afraid now. Afraid I’m never going to be good enough for him. I know the kinds of needs men have. I stupidly thought it didn’t matter when I was with him before because he was a virgin and he didn’t know any better.

But he does now.

And I need to show him I can fulfil all his needs. That I’m the perfect girlfriend. That I’m not broken and vulnerable. That I’m strong and sexy and willing.

Before I overthink it, I slide down the bed, carefully pulling Keanu’s pajama pants down, freeing his penis.

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